1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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