It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
