I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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