I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
