i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
