my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
