I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
