You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
