i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
