Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
