Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
