They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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