Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
