Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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