you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
