you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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