I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
