Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
