You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
