How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
