She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
