I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
