The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
