i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
