Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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