He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
