she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
