Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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