I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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