why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
