is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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