Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
