Me too!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
