I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
