She just used a chaser for red wine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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