she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
