I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
