I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
