i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
