Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just google imaged poop.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
