Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
