And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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