Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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