Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
