Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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