Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
