How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize