I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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