and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ugly people sure do ruin things
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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