you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
