If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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