I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
