My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
