i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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