Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
