There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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