Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
