we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
