beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
