There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
