was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
