I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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