Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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