true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
