Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
