is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
