Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
