hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
