Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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