I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
