oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
