The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
