I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
