The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
