Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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