yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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