When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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