What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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