she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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