He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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