The maid of honor just puked.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
