What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
please come you make the beer taste better
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
