Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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