I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
