found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
