Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
