He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You can't motorboat a personality
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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