and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Panties = found
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