I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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