i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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