sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Non-Jews are for practice
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize