Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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