never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
