i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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