It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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