Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
