Kiss
Puke
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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