Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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