blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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