dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
