Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
