So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
