Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
