Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I enjoy the company of your penis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
