In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
