hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
how does that bad decision feel?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
