He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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