i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
