My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
