yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
