What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
