I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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