I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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