After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
